Aftermath
by thewriterinthemist
Summary: [ spoilers for allegiant ] "I cannot forget the things that made her … her; her laugh, her small smile, the twinkle in her eyes, her determination, her selflessness, her stubbornness, her love for others." The moments that riddled their lives after her death were haunting, yet some were uplifting; the moments brought them down, yet raised them up.


i.

The memories of her drown all the other thoughts that occupy my mind; her touch, her smell, the way her stormy eyes would linger on me. The memories of her rip my heart out, and I sink into the mattress of my bed, staring at the urn which contains her - her ashes. Tears are slowly making their way down my cheeks as they have done for the past weeks, and I pound my fist into my pillow. A scream of frustration escapes my lips; a scream of despair. Sobs rack my body and I whisper her name. Why did you leave, I think as I have for every aching and god forsaken second of every day. These words toss and turn themselves over and over again in my head until I finally succumb to sleep, something that only comes rarely.

When I awake, my eyes focus on three black birds on the pallor tone of someone's skin who shouldn't be here, but I have wanted so much to see.

"Tris," I murmur still groggy from my sleepiness. "I love you. I miss you."

I feel her soft and tender lips press against my forehead, and the stroke of her hands running through my hair. It feels so nice, so good, and just like the old times. I wrap my arms around her waist, pushing my face against her stomach, breathing her in. She continues her actions, and I just want to stay like this forever.

"Tobias," she says in the softest voice possible.

And then, she's gone.

ii.

Waves of anxiety come crashing down upon me as I realize that I have started to forget things. No, no! This isn't possible, I think. I cannot forget, I can't!

I cannot forget the things that made her … her; her laugh, her small smile, the twinkle in her eyes, her determination, her selflessness, her stubbornness, her love for others. However, sometimes when I try so hard to remember, it seems that I forget.

I pace back and forth in my room, holding my head between my hands. How can I forget the love of my life, the girl I cared so much about? What can I do, to make her a permanent part of me, a reminder of who she was? The truth is, eventually I will forget, and that scares me. And I don't want to be scared.

I race out my front door, into the hallways of my apartment building, turning and weaving until I reach the crisp and cool outdoors. I walk and walk until I find the one place I was looking for; the tattoo parlor. It is weird not to see the hawk on the back of Tori's neck, watching me with it's piercing eyes every time I walk in. Instead, I am greeted by a man, not much older than myself, with a curling mustache. His arms are completely covered by tattoos, much like my back. I have never seen him before meaning he must be from the fringe.

I sit down in the chair opposite him, now nervous. It has been a long time since I last received a tattoo, but this temporary and uncomforting moment is better than a lifetime of pain. The man looks at me expectantly, presumably waiting for me to tell him what I want done.

"I want a name," I say. "Right here," and I point to the inner part of my forearm. He nods his head, and begins to wipe down my skin, cleaning it for what is about to come.

"What's the name you want?" He questions, and I sigh. Its still hard for me to say her name.

"Tris," I choke out.

He looks at me with wide eyes, no doubt recognizing her name, but he does not say anything, only begins to work.

When I leave, I feel a slight stinging sensation.

However, now she really is a part of me.

iii.

Sometimes, we sit together, Christina and I. Ever since Tris' death, we have bonded, become closer. Maybe it's because all we have left is each other, or maybe it's just because we were both so close to her. However, I'm just happy that I have found someone.

Sometimes, we sit together, Christina and I. Sometimes, we talk about her and tell each other stories that the other may have not known.

Sometimes, we sit together, Christina and I and learn things about one another. I learn that she is afraid of moths. I learn that her little sister told her she was happy Tris was dead and Christina hit her across the face so hard, her nose broke. I learn that she doesn't regret that. She learns that Tris was my first everything; my first real kiss, my first love, my first time. She learns that I am scared of heights and she learns that I love chocolate.

Sometimes, we sit together, Christina and I and one of those days, she brings me a bag full of chocolate and hands it to me with a small smile.

Sometimes, we sit together, Christina and I, and I know we can truly be friends.

iv.

Now, almost ten years later, I always look down at my arm. I look down at my arm every day and I remember her laugh, her small smile, the twinkle in her eyes, her touch, her smell, the way her eyes would linger on me. I remember her determination, her stubbornness, her selflessness and her love for others.

I remember her. Although, it fills me with sadness because I longed to live my life with her, I am also filled with gratitude. I am grateful for the time we spent together, and to have known her. I am grateful to have learned so much from her, because she was so, goddamn smart. She was an amazing human being, and just thinking of her blond hair, her blue eyes, and her tattoos that matched mine, bring a smile to my face.

There are the bad days, where I think that I won't be able to get out of bed. However, there are the good days.

There is the day where Zeke and Shauna get married, and Shauna walks down the aisle, the Dauntless fire in her eyes, and I know she would have loved to see that. I know she would have been crying.

I know she was my everything.

I know she was my Tris.

* * *

_So, I hope you liked that. I think I'm going to continue with some of the other characters point of views. :)_

_I know there was a lot of repetition, and if that bothered you, I do apologize. However, that was just the way I wanted to write this, and like I said earlier, I do really hope you liked it._

_I actually really loved Allegiant, and even though the end was heart breaking, I thought it was really good. _

_But yeah, review and favourite!3_


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